Dad’s Favourite Word
The Laugh
We recently had to put our cat down. My husband and I agreed that we would not be getting another cat. I agree, but I still want one. Our kids and I had been joking about potential names for a new cat. While watching my husband’s favorite NHL team, we tried to sell my husband on the concept of a kitten by offering to name it after favorite players, the team mascot, or even part of the team name. All were a no-go. A few days later, we were having dinner, and during a quiet moment, this exchange happened:
8-year-old child: “Dad, if we can get a cat, then we can name it . . . “ (at this point she pauses to clarify that she would not use this word at school). . . “F@*K.”
She and our ten-year-old laughed and then repeated the word a few times, imitating how they would call a cat called F@*K.
Me (both appalled and trying not to laugh): “That is a nasty grown-up word. Why would we call the cat that? Also, please don’t say that word again.”
Eight-year-old-child: “It’s Dad’s favorite word; he says it all the time.”
Me: While stifling laughter and staring wide-eyed at my husband as he choked back a chuckle, “Well, I don’t think that’s a great name, and we’re not getting another cat right now.”
The rest of the evening was uneventful.
The Lesson
The most evident lesson is the reminder that we should be careful with our language. We (like most parents) are not perfect. In this case, we swear too much, and that's something that we know we should clean up.
The other (and perhaps more valuable) takeaway is that it is important to laugh and share humour as a family. We want our kids to laugh with us; they are 8 and 10; these days are precious and will go by in a blink. When we laugh together, we bond as a family. Part of me was so embarrassed that they used this word and part of me worries that if anyone else heard this from them, they might judge us for our parenting, but the truth is, we have great kids and a wonderful family. Yes, the kids may have learned this word from their dad (and, let’s be honest, mom too), but more importantly, they laughed with us and shared a connection. There is something to be said about them being comfortable enough to say anything around us.
The Iteration (i.e., how to make it better next time)
Laugh with your kids - it creates connection, eases stress, and promotes positive emotions.
Let’s be frank; we’re going to have moments with our kids that will threaten our self-worth. Take a moment to think, what else could this mean? Is this the worst thing that could happen? Moments like this offer us the opportunity to step between stimulus and response. In that pause, we may realize there likely isn't a threat to our self-worth. Instead, we may find something to appreciate (like a good laugh or an uncanny insight) or simply an opportunity to be in the moment or learn from it.
If you want to decrease your swearing or are interested in the role swearing plays in our overall communication, check out these additional resources: How to stop swearing | What happened when I tried to stop swearing