Musings | Building Relationships
“Every time you communicate at work you are either building, maintaining, or destroying a relationship”
Much of our communication occurs without detailed thought or specific intention. Unbeknownst to us, we are always engaged in a feedback loop with others: our partners, our co-workers, and our friends. Of this, author Molly Godfrey notes, “We can either make people feel brilliant or like total idiots in our presence, it comes down to one thing and one thing only: Our reception.” That is, how we receive those around us and the way we greet and recognize others particularly when we are offered their vulnerability. All of us, at times, will likely display poor “reception’ skills. Fortunately, with awareness and intentional actions we can become better at engaging in our ongoing feedback loops.
“We can either make people feel brilliant or like total idiots in our presence, it comes down to one thing and one thing only: Our reception ”
Rare is the person who starts their day wanting to make those around them feel badly or overtly seeking to destroy relationships. In her article, “How to Make Someone Feel Good in Your Presence,” Molly Godfrey provides three actions we can take to help us be aware of how we impact others so we can actively maintain and build relationships by making those around us feel good as opposed to breaking our relationships down.
1. Be Present: Giving someone our focused attention is a gift we give to others. When we are present, we can react to what others are saying, we can express gratitude and we can fully engage in our interactions with others.
2. Recognize the Vulnerability of Being a Human: In her words, Molly reminds us that “being human is really vulnerable. Being connected to each other is really vulnerable. Offering yourself, showing up for a relationship, and choosing someone is really vulnerable. We’re never 100% certain how we’re going to be received. Or if we’ll be accepted, met with love, approval, understanding. We’re all just fumbling around hoping for the best.” She suggests we remember that when someone shares their truth with us it is a privilege. If we can, it is best to receive others with presence and kindness while striving to see their “human-ness.”
3. Don’t Treat People Like Transactions: If someone does a favor for you or finishes something you have asked of them, take a minute to thank them for what they have done. When we receive people well in this way, we have the opportunity to make them feel good and build on the relationship. When this opportunity is missed the opposite is true; the person will not feel good and likely will not want to engage with you in the future (i.e., the relationship deteriorates).
Every interaction we have provides the opportunity to maintain, build or destroy our relationships with others. By being present, acknowledging the humanity in everyone and recognizing people as people, not transactions, we have the opportunity to not only enhance the relationships around us, but make others feel good at the same time.
Resources
How To Be a Great Remote Teammate (webinar, 60 minutes)
How to Make Someone Feel Good in Your Presence
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