Musings | I Need A Shot of Rye (eldercare)
“What??! I need a shot of rye”
Today we use a story initially shared in April 2020 to bring attention to the challenges (and fun) associated with caring for the older members of our families and our communities. We are grateful to our friend Jan for sharing her story.
I’m a member of the Sandwich Generation. I have two twenty-something kids who are fiercely independent and two ninety-something parents who perceive that they are fiercely independent. I love them all.
Full disclosure - my parents are “those” people. The ones who things just happen to. Some of it is self-inflicted, but some of it is just the roll of the dice. But they approach life with an ‘it’s us against the world attitude” that’s served them well.
My parents are remarkable. At age 92 and 93, they still spend six months in Arizona, coming home to live for the summer in a small town 70 kilometers from most services.
With the news of COVID-19 paralyzing the rest of the world, they were living in a bubble after their Canadian satellite system “stopped working” in February. We thought we had convinced them to come home before all hell broke loose. But they chose to wait a couple of weeks to save $200. In the face of a pandemic!
My Mom still drives well, but not well enough to drive 70 kilometers after their flight arrived at home at 1:00 am. They would need to stay in a hotel before heading home to quarantine the next day. We strategically chose a hotel after talking through all the safety precautions. Then my mom asked me to call around to double-check who had the best continental breakfast.
We had a clear action plan that we’d rehearsed with them several times. We even typed it out in LARGE FONT and taped it to their steering wheel. We had checked them into their room in advance, wiped down all surfaces, left snacks, refreshments and breakfast. They could go straight up to their room and stay there until they left in the morning, without stopping at the breakfast room.
After escorting them from the airport, my job was to get their carry-on luggage up to their room while they sat tight in their car. But as I was grabbing their bags, my Dad was already knocking at my husband’s car window, wanting to shake hands. My mom was about to wrestle her bags from me. Because, you know, she’s fiercely independent.
The action plan had already become a contingency plan, and at that point, I just needed to get them up to their room with minimum exposure to other people. As I’m holding two elevators, my Dad was having a weather conversation with the hotel employees. His hearing aid batteries had given up, so the front desk staff was backed up against the wall, trying to keep their distance. My Mom was searching the lobby for a copy of the Globe and Mail.
After finally shepherding them into their room, it was an immense relief to see the door close. Until it opened again. With the ice bucket in her arms, my Mom looked at me and said, “What? I need a shot of rye.” I knew I should have hidden the ice bucket.
We’re now into Day 25. They are well past their 14 days of required isolation, doing amazingly well, and have become accustomed to this new normal. Life is okay because they can watch the Brier and the Scotties that they’d programmed before their dish “broke.” But they keep wondering why the World Championships didn’t record.
And because they’re the people who stuff happens to, their fridge stopped working. It honestly did stop working – unlike their satellite dish. But that’s a pandemic story in itself.
I take them groceries regularly. And rye. And I visit them from the edge of their deck.
Taped to their front door is a handwritten sign that pretty much says, “Stay Away. It’s us against the world, and we’re doing great!”
Resources & Sources
Find the humor. There are plenty of situations in our current reality that could be funny or make us mad. According to the Mayo Clinic There are benefits to laughing and finding the humor in a situation, including activating and relieving the stress response, soothing tension as well as improving immune system function and mood
Be adaptable and have a plan B. The current circumstances provide many opportunities to learn about or practice a growth mindset. This short video (under 10 minutes) outlines a growth mindset and how it can be developed.
Embrace the idiosyncrasies of the people around you. Maybe it’s your partner, your parents, your roommates, your kids, or even you! We are all quirky, and the past year has likely highlighted the unique characteristics all of us embody. Now, more than ever, we must give and grant one another grace.
Caregiving resources: